Me and The Trinity
“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that is where I renew my springs that never dry up.” — Pearl Buck
I cannot explain my inner world to others, no matter how close my friendships may be with them. I am often called deep. Someone once told me, "You are always adjusting to be your best self." I get it now. Today. I think I always wanted someone to get me, to understand me and how deep I feel. But I now know that it is not possible.
My inner world belongs to me, created by the Trinity. As I take a deep breath I think about the years of trying to fill my inner world with other people's behaviors and thoughts. Conformity. Trying to change to be part of the team, to fit into a social structure, at times left me feeling not good enough. Boy, did I try.
Respecting who I am, I lean towards a contemplative inner world. This is like a slow movement of turning towards the Trinity in everyday and every moment. It's giving thanks to the various organs that need attention with a spirit of thanksgiving.
Recently, I had bronchitis for three weeks. Two different types of antibiotics, inhalants, and high doses of steroids. I also have a weakened lung condition that makes me susceptible to bronchitis. But this time was different — the explosive cough would linger.
This time, alongside the medications, I also turned towards my body with thanksgiving for the bronchial tubes doing its work to protect my lungs. I gave the bronchial tubes permission to linger as long as it desires, and when it is ready to calm the spasm down, it will. Guess what? A day later the coughing had decreased. There is no scientific fact to this, but there is scripture that supports speaking and believing. This is my inner world.
And still I am in wonder of it — I am full of the Trinity. Full of the Trinity. Me and the Trinity, living in me and me abiding in Him.
My springs are constantly being renewed, so what feeds my spirit is one of clear and clean water. Refreshing.
There is no spiritual bypassing, for I acknowledge the external world deeply and the suffering that takes place with all people. I give from this inner world of stillness: prayers, comforts, forgiveness, reconciliation, peace, joy, hope, and love. Giving it outwardly, and protecting my inner world, which is sustaining me.
Selah
